I constantly forget that you’re the only person with whom I’ve not tried to love. I gave up from the very beginning, I went along with impressions; bad impressions, there is so much of me that wishes to burn you when you make me beyond angry and so much of me that simply wants to cry because I’ve never been able to see you as someone, something love-able.
I’m gonna stop this shit and die trying.
The Loneliest Whale in the World.
In 2004, The New York Times wrote an article about the loneliest whale in the world. Scientists have been tracking her since 1992 and they discovered the problem:
She isn’t like any other baleen whale. Unlike all other whales, she doesn’t have friends. She doesn’t have a family. She doesn’t belong to any tribe, pack or gang. She doesn’t have a lover. She never had one. Her songs come in groups of two to six calls, lasting for five to six seconds each. But her voice is unlike any other baleen whale. It is unique—while the rest of her kind communicate between 12 and 25hz, she sings at 52hz. You see, that’s precisely the problem. No other whales can hear her. Every one of her desperate calls to communicate remains unanswered. Each cry ignored. And, with every lonely song, she becomes sadder and more frustrated, her notes going deeper in despair as the years go by.
Just imagine that massive mammal, floating alone and singing—too big to connect with any of the beings it passes, feeling paradoxically small in the vast stretches of empty, open ocean.
(Source: erickimberlinbowley, via fantasmagorico-)
irst day of school was crazy. But studies aside, it can all be summarised in these: 1. Conversation with Rachel “Actually love, to me, I don’t know. It’s malleable, you know?” 2. Should I hold on till the flame nearly reaches my fingers, or should I blow it out from the beginning I’m new to this, yet it feels all too familiar.
Tomorrow: everything will be different.
The only way to change it is to be stronger. And carry 1 John with me everywhere I go, in whatever state I am.
