(by leah bernhardt)
I don’t like the state I’m in now, but I’m not angry or depressed or any of that sort and I’m not just saying that to look like I’m not, I truly am not. It’s just that I’m having too much time on hand to ponder about life. And we all know that as much as thinking can get us to some amazing ideas in life, it makes us realise that life is so much more than what we’re experiencing at the moment.
So yes, I don’t like the state that I’m in. I feel like a messed up nonsense. Sleep late watching Tyra Banks and biracial episodes, or sleep late watching a new youtuber etc… it’s so ridiculous that I can’t understand why I torture myself like this. Like I can actually be sleeping well and waking up refreshed but no. I oversleep, all my things are strewn on my bed, I am coming back and returning back to the computer for 2 more hours of “fun”, and life goes on…
Which of course brings me to my understatement: I don’t like computers.
Never felt that life should revolve around a computer, which was why I deactivated facebook and thought that I should live life like the girl above. Like me, a few months ago. Where I had the luxury of taking walks outside, and my place actually LOOKED like that.
I used to walk near a dam, a little tiny niagara falls behind my house. I’d go there for quiet time or just for a walk. I’d even just walk outside my house. I’d basically walk home and walk into another garden… it’s never ending. And I’m not going to reminisce about how I can return back, that’s dumb and that’s done and over.
I want my now to be like how it was then. So organic, intricate and new.
I don’t know where I can find that in Singapore. When my life is thrown into bits of internet on phones, red marks on papers and that tiny number that determines the kind of job you get.
I need to start swimming.
