Discrepancies
If you know me well enough, you’re probably aware that my “daily literature” comes in the form of blogs and newspapers and… that’s about it. Not only do I read works by amateurs or worse bloggers who have posts filled with photographs and crude descriptions accompanying each shot I am actually proud to relate my lousy narrative right here to those.
That aside, a particular blog I’ve been patronizing has chosen to dwell on the topic of friendship for pretty long. Her description of friends, how along the way she loses some and sticks to her circle of pals even though they’re a small bunch, etc. Initially I got a bit weary of what she had to say, you know? When someone blabbers on for a good week or so on the same topic. I thought, what is so important about friendship that this woman needs to keep building this subject of friends continuously.
It was only recently that I gave it some thought. One of my friends got the ball rolling. I can’t remember how we communicated, but through whatever means she mentioned that as she was planning for her party she was conflicted about who her true friends were. Why was she having so much difficulty planning it and why aren’t people helping her? I have myself to blame, and then maybe others did too. But I suppose from there… I’ve been thinking about it, a little bit.
21sts is a good gauge of analysing your relations (haha sound like warcraft liddat). I think I’ve been blessed to sort of “escape” half a year of 21sts and probably realising here and there that I’m actually not his friend ah why he never invite me or I don’t even know what to get her, what does she like? what’s her favourite colour? And so on so forth.
To make things clear, the former isn’t always true (that only your true friends invite you to parties). At times, an individual’s budget can really limit that person as to how many he or she can invite. Even so, not going for a party does make you think a bit. To be perfectly honest here, I’m not the jealous kind when it comes to parties because having planned for a party myself I know how the inviting thingy goes. But yeah, it just makes you think.
Over the past few weeks or so I think I’ve come to conclude that I really have a very small circle of friends. All of whom are girls, and then a guy or two. That’s about it. You have no idea how thankful I am to have these people I can seriously rely on, or people I can really click with. The rest… I feel like they don’t matter to me. I have one friend whom I thought you know, we really were friends. But after spending a bit more time with her, I don’t know. Superficially - yes, I can hold the conversation for 15 minutes. Thereafter I think it remains stagnant or goes downhill. And we both end up doing individualistic things like smsing.
It’s a bit sad, I think. Because being my friend means that 1) I can click with you 2) I can share at least 70% of my life 3) You can click with me and share your life with me as well. And that’s all I ask. Oh and that I’m happy to see you hahahaha.
But what happens when you realise long time friends are simply acquaintances? And you are left alone, or at least left with a tight but small circle of friends? Unlike the (I guess) bigger circle you previously had?
The truth hurts. And when it does, you wonder if you’ve led a life full of lies or falsified accounts.
