12th October 11
My church friend (or should I add, NEWLY-MARRIED CHURCH FRIEND WHOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) drove me home after a meeting, and for some reason our conversations during the car ride were very intense, even with the occasional attacks we made out of jest.
We talked a lot about jobs and the meanings behind it. The usual “question” came up (refer to blog posts a few posts back) and I mentioned that I was particularly interested in a certain topic in Sociology, but that there’s no place for me in the workforce where I can apply this because the system is fundamentally warped. On the way back we talked about it again and I admitted, “Singapore is not made for people like me. People who love the arts and humanities.” And he agreed.
In one of my lectures, the lecturer asked us if any of us are studying because we like what we study and we simply want to study because we like studying. Not for jobs, not for a better future, etc etc. We went through more theories regarding this and it was then I realised how warped everything is. First the genetic approach when it comes to education, and now about how education and in particular the Singapore education is just a gateway to a mindless job.
I mean that’s what we have equated our lives to guys. Everything boils down to this path of jobs. Just typing this out is overly irksome. And ludicrous. What did my mother go through such pain (overnight in Gleneagles don’t play play) to simply have another human slave to capitalism? I mean isn’t that just some sick sick consequence of Marx who wrote about this and in the end I’m looking at this like some self-fulfiling prophecy?
I mean what if I say I don’t want to work. I refuse to work. I refuse to choose something that I can do but something I’m not particularly interested in, and join the workforce of mechanized, lifeless, cogs. Cogs of the system.
Because this is it guys. If you’re working now, you’ve sold yourself to 40-50 years of slavery to ensuring that rice bowl is darn well provided at the table with a pair of chopsticks and spoon. It boils down to earning dollar bills that can buy you wonders, desires, and almost anything you like. But remember, and burn this in your heart, that if you don’t find your dream job, a job that you’re passionate about and you find meaning in, that there’s no other time in your life to do so. Because its 40-50 years, and after that you’re probably having cancer, handicapped by stroke, or just too tired to move around backpacking, helping kids overseas, etc.
And look at that number. Forty to fifty years is a HELLA long time of your life. If we don’t do something that you enjoy for such a prolonged period, I think it’s better if we simply …. die and corrode. Unless you’re earning for a family.
31st July 11
If you know me well enough, you’re probably aware that my “daily literature” comes in the form of blogs and newspapers and… that’s about it. Not only do I read works by amateurs or worse bloggers who have posts filled with photographs and crude descriptions accompanying each shot I am actually proud to relate my lousy narrative right here to those.
That aside, a particular blog I’ve been patronizing has chosen to dwell on the topic of friendship for pretty long. Her description of friends, how along the way she loses some and sticks to her circle of pals even though they’re a small bunch, etc. Initially I got a bit weary of what she had to say, you know? When someone blabbers on for a good week or so on the same topic. I thought, what is so important about friendship that this woman needs to keep building this subject of friends continuously.
It was only recently that I gave it some thought. One of my friends got the ball rolling. I can’t remember how we communicated, but through whatever means she mentioned that as she was planning for her party she was conflicted about who her true friends were. Why was she having so much difficulty planning it and why aren’t people helping her? I have myself to blame, and then maybe others did too. But I suppose from there… I’ve been thinking about it, a little bit.
21sts is a good gauge of analysing your relations (haha sound like warcraft liddat). I think I’ve been blessed to sort of “escape” half a year of 21sts and probably realising here and there that I’m actually not his friend ah why he never invite me or I don’t even know what to get her, what does she like? what’s her favourite colour? And so on so forth.
To make things clear, the former isn’t always true (that only your true friends invite you to parties). At times, an individual’s budget can really limit that person as to how many he or she can invite. Even so, not going for a party does make you think a bit. To be perfectly honest here, I’m not the jealous kind when it comes to parties because having planned for a party myself I know how the inviting thingy goes. But yeah, it just makes you think.
Over the past few weeks or so I think I’ve come to conclude that I really have a very small circle of friends. All of whom are girls, and then a guy or two. That’s about it. You have no idea how thankful I am to have these people I can seriously rely on, or people I can really click with. The rest… I feel like they don’t matter to me. I have one friend whom I thought you know, we really were friends. But after spending a bit more time with her, I don’t know. Superficially - yes, I can hold the conversation for 15 minutes. Thereafter I think it remains stagnant or goes downhill. And we both end up doing individualistic things like smsing.
It’s a bit sad, I think. Because being my friend means that 1) I can click with you 2) I can share at least 70% of my life 3) You can click with me and share your life with me as well. And that’s all I ask. Oh and that I’m happy to see you hahahaha.
But what happens when you realise long time friends are simply acquaintances? And you are left alone, or at least left with a tight but small circle of friends? Unlike the (I guess) bigger circle you previously had?
The truth hurts. And when it does, you wonder if you’ve led a life full of lies or falsified accounts.
16th May 11
It’s a cold and wet in Lund today. We should have been expecting this what with the erratic weather we experienced in Ystad. Braved the rain and wind (and yes there’s always some level of stupidity in bravery) and went to my most frequented store in Lund.
No it isn’t H & M. Or any retail shop that I WISH was the case (in Singapore Forever 21 would easily win most frequented store. or maybe Popular hahaha). It is…. THE SUPERMARKET!!!!! Who knew domesticity would convert us into grocery shopping whores.
Ambling down the aisles and rushing to get milk with a loaf of bread in my hand, a baby threw his beach toys onto the ground. The baby cries. His mother notices the fallen toys but was so pre-occupied with her phone conversation (must be an important one) that she left the toys there and continued talking. I contemplated walking past it since the mother didn’t even bother to pick it up. But I thought “oh heck in case someone trips over these props” and I picked it up and gave it to the baby.
How can I describe the level of cuteness this baby OOZES out? When I passed the toys to him to be honest, even though I love babies, I was rather annoyed by God knows what (as in seriously I didn’t know why I was annoyed hahaha). I handed him the toys as if he were an adult, and grudgingly held a smile across my face. The baby stopped crying when I stuck the toys in front of his face and his cheeks, oh they were like little tomatoes!!!! I stopped scowling and started playing with him.
His mother actually put down her phone and to my surprise, came over and thanked me profusely (what on earth I only picked up toys but ok very nice she is). She then asked the baby to thank me “Say ‘tack!’” and he just stared at me with his blue eyes and sanguine cheeks. Embarrassed by her numerous requests to little baby to thank me while he just stared on, I was ready to leave until he turned around and smiled.
I died.
I went back to the front of the pram and asked the mother if I could take a picture of him. Pity he wasn’t smiling as much as he was, and pity my Swedish sucked so much that I couldnt even say “Smileeeeee!!!!”. So all I did was to thank and say bye to the mother in Swedish.
I love angmoh babies. Or any baby based in a Western country. Their cheeks are so round and red and complexion smooth as their buttocks (HAHAHAHA get it get it) AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH. Mad cute.
x
On a more sian note, my exam question… got released. I thought the lecturer postphoned it but NO it’s out. Seeing that the maximum word limit is 2k words (for 2 questions) and that I’ve no plans for May (or rather tried to make them but nothing got done due to schedule clashes)…. I cannot believe I’m saying this but I actually didn’t do anything after reading the questions. And it’s close to 4 hours after I saw the questions.
Terrible is can terrible be. Hopefully I can get my act together tmr and get off this lazy ass of mine. My housemate sniggered when I said that “i have a lot of time” and haha HOUSEMATE KOH if you’re reading this I’m getting worried. And then this is when you will say “you should be” and then I really get worried.
2 more weeks left and I don’t know why I’m making plans to escape this place. I still have so many lame things that I wanna finish here…
25th January 11
When it snows, this how our journey looks like from our house to school.
It’s like the Arctic Circle, except that it’s Sweden :)
19th January 11
For anyone who still follows me on tumblr, I’m in Sweden guys!
Let’s hope I pull through this 5 months alone. I can do this. I think.
